Ah, to be a practitioner of Zen...the attainment of "Awakening", the "individual experience of one's own nature." Life offers many maxims; here are but a few of the many 'variations' on a particular Zen-istic theme that came my way from the world of forwarded emails (with a few personal adjustments thrown in!)
"ZEN SARCASM"
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either...just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a "check engine" light
and a dead A/C compressor.
It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're dog is going to poop
on a neighbor's lawn, that's
the time to let them do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't
be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're
unique... just like everybody else.
Never test the depth of
the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're
alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize
them, you're a mile away
and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed,
don't try skydiving.
Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a day. Teach a man how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat
and drink beer all day long.
If you lend someone $20 and
never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't
have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal
until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your
money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like "The Force":
it has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the Universe together.
There are two theories to arguing
with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't
learning much when
your lips are moving
Experience is something you don't
get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance
to shut up.
Never under any circumstances
take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
"ZEN SARCASM"
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either...just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a "check engine" light
and a dead A/C compressor.
It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're dog is going to poop
on a neighbor's lawn, that's
the time to let them do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't
be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're
unique... just like everybody else.
Never test the depth of
the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're
alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize
them, you're a mile away
and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed,
don't try skydiving.
Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a day. Teach a man how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat
and drink beer all day long.
If you lend someone $20 andnever see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't
have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal
until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your
money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like "The Force":
it has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the Universe together.
There are two theories to arguing
with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't
learning much when
your lips are moving
Experience is something you don't
get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance
to shut up.
Never under any circumstances
take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2 comments:
Has anyone ever said that you remind them of the "Home Improvement" character, "Wilson"?
I needed a good laugh today. Lori
I've been called a lot of things, Lori, but not "Wilson"...I loved his character...Lake Wobegon with a twist of truthful humor! Glad you got a lift from it...needed one myself.
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