Originally I was going to post a Top-10 list, but there are too many choices and too hard to order them appropriately. So I thought I'd pass along 10 items I thought of or ran across that really aren't the best choices to let someone know you 'care' during the big holiday season upon us...
10. Fruitcake. I know someone out there must like it since it sells, but a brick makes a much better doorstop.
9. The Christmas Card letter - not just any letter, mind you...
it's one thing to catch up quickly on news, but it's another ball of wax to write a two-pager that describes in noisome detail how many awards and accolades Jenny got, and all about the scholarship Timmy has in the bag from his record-setting golfing...the promotions that Bruce has had (2 in 4 months!!! Way to go, honey!) and all about that 7,000 square foot house that they just had 'a time over' moving into it, full of trials and tribulations...and squeezing all that activity in while still taking the family on a late winter trip to Patagonia, a June whirl to the Bungle Bungles in Australia, and that September hiking expedition via hostels through the Italian Dolomites. And now all the pre-debutante galas and madness starting up...Gosh, where does the time go? Merry Christmas, Y'all! 8. Speaking of ball of wax...ball of ear wax, that is...here is a device that you can actually stick a fiber optic camera into your ear and see it all for yourself, and/or clean it out, too...made in Japan, hence the weirdly translated name...
7. Kid's drum set, this one from Drum Bum...unless you are deaf or have a sound-proof chamber somewhere, I'm thinking that a set like this for anyone that is still a single digit in age is a bit of a very short-sighted idea gone horribly wrong. It's saving grace? The ad says "It's just like dad's drum set!". Uh.....no.
6. Large inflatable flamingos for your holiday inflatable wonderland. The plastic ones on sticks are bad enough...and now you have to scare children. Just watch out for their flamingoo...
5. "GIANT Microbes" plush toy set: just HAD to copy the ad wording so you can feel the uniqueness of this gift...
"We make stuffed animals that look like tiny microbes—only a million times actual size! Now available: The Common Cold, The Flu, Sore Throat, Stomach Ache, Cough, Ear Ache, Bad Breath, Kissing Disease, Athlete's Foot, Ulcer, Martian Life, Beer & Bread, Black Death, Ebola, Flesh Eating, Sleeping Sickness, Dust Mite, Bed Bug, and Bookworm (and in our Professional line: H.I.V. and Hepatitis). Each 5-to-7 inch doll is accompanied by an image of the real microbe it represents, as well as information about the microbe. They make great learning tools for parents and educators, as well as amusing gifts for anyone with a sense of humor!"
http://www.giantmicrobes.com
List of available diseases/critters
The MRSA flesh-eating one is equally as cute...note the little knife and fork embroidered on to it's body... 4. Be the first on your block to have the kid's portable tattoo parlor! That's right, Spin Master's I-Tattoo! Get Inked, little dudes and dudettes!
Watch their ad here
3. "Christmas In The Stars: The Star Wars Christmas Album". That's right, you can smile warmly and tap your feet to that soon-to-be-classic-hit, "What Can You Get a Wookie for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?)". Truth be told, I've not heard it...but I've read reports on it, and if you ever need to get rid of unwanted or over-staying company, playing this album is guaranteed to do the job at the fraction of a cost of renting a jaguar.
2. We have a tie for #2...they're kind of in the same category. What better way to bring smiles and giggles of laughter to your children as they unwrap these presents, the excitement overflowing as they get their VERY OWN play vacuum cleaner and Silly Sam talking broom and dust pan set! HOURS of endless fun! HOURS of bonding family time with mom (since dad usually doesn't know how to operate the big one). A 'pet' broom you can carry on a conversation with! Cleaning has NEVER been SO MUCH FUN!
Actual ad selling points: a. encourages role playing
b. makes cleaning fun
c.offers encouraging phrases, giggles, and more
1. A Barry Bonds ornament to proudly hang on your tree.
(Steroids not included).
2 comments:
OMG! These are too funny. I love the microbe toys. Gross.
In defense of #2 - both of my kids love their play vaccuum cleaner. It does provide hours of fun - especially while mom is vaccuuming. They always come behind to make sure I don't miss a spot. :)
Just thought I'd mention it.
Defense accepted! I wish more kids looked positively on 'cleaning' principles - good for you!
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