"R-E-S-P-E-C-T"

I do love listening to NPR radio, and on weekend mornings Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers never disappoint with their "Car Talk". Always something to be learned, always something to laugh at. One of their weekly features is a "puzzler of the week", which was the point I turned on the radio. I missed the first part of the teaser, but what caught my ear was their paying brief homage to the late Rodney Dangerfield.

I realize he wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but he sure came up with real zingers on a regular basis. In response, I felt led to post a passel of his 'cleaner' quotes that I immediately can see and hear him deliver. Figured with all this bitter cold and snow and lousy economy we could all use those muscles that turn a frown upside down.....enjoy!

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for free.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

One year they asked me to be the poster boy - for birth control.

I was so depressed I decided to jump from the 10th floor. They sent up a priest who said, "On your mark..."

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I was lost and asked a cop to help me find my parents. "Do you think we'll find them?" "I don't know, there's so many places to hide."

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me.

My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

When I was born, the doctor said to my father, "I'm sorry, we did every thing we could but he still pulled through."

My wife made me join her bridge club. I jump next Tuesday.

On Halloween the neighbors sent their kids out looking like me.

A girl phoned me the other day and said 'come on over, there's nobody home'...I went over. Nobody was home.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I told him I wanted a second opinion. He said, okay, you're ugly, too.

I worked in a pet store and everyone would ask how big I'd get.

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Now, go out and get some RESPECT, everybody!!!