AN URGENT PLEA

PLEASE, please, please….do NOT think for yourself. Believe what others say, but only as long it’s how you feel so you can justify it with fervor. Do NOT search for your own facts; rather, find a source that meets your belief structure and accept THAT SOURCE’S ‘facts’ blindly. Don't think for a second you are smart enough to think for yourself: it’s wrong if not evil to think you know more than a media outlet and/or personality. Stand up against them and they will pepper you with put-downs to perpetuate your stupidity and unworthiness. Save yourself the trouble.

Make things easy for everybody and go with the mainstream media flow…after all, endless colonies of lemmings can’t be wrong. Oh sure, many die by committing suicide jumping off a cliff, but they are vindicated in so doing because everybody else is doing the same thing. That makes it right, naturally.

Mainstream TV networks like ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, CNN, MSNBC have spent billions to get it right and save you the trouble of figuring every news item out. Honor them by not only watching them whenever possible…and not only by believing pretty much anything they say…but by doing something you might have been slow to do so far: "Friend" them on Facebook and gain a chance to become their 'fan of the day'. With luck, maybe you, too, can become an instant celebrity for a monumental millisecond.

It’s unhealthy to have a nation, yea, a society of individuals that all believe different things. Worse yet, it’s even more unhealthy to have a society where people actually objectively listen to someone else that has views different than their own. God forbid certain individuals become willing to compromise, for that truly IS the work of the Devil. Nothing will tear our society apart faster than to have people and elected leaders that wish to work together and set aside iron-clad personal agendas in order to benefit the good of all. We are NOT here to succeed as a whole. We are NOT here to compromise. Make sure you tell those that need to hear, "IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!" We're here to be narrow-minded bigots….unless, of course, you’re just un-American.

Your momma may well have raised you with good and proper manners. Momma was a fool, so get over it. Nice people really DO finish last, so in order for your “world order” to come to fruition, you must become an outspoken jerk, and the jerkier the better. Jerky wheels get the media grease, because entertainment, NOT news, is what sells. IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, make a video of yourself or someone else doing something REALLY jerky and do your damndest to get it to go viral on the web. But don’t forget two critical items you should have around you or in your hand: the US flag and a King James bible. It'll get you a little farther down the Righteously Justified Highway.

The more you can feel like a victim, the better. Too, the more you can make your cause victimized, mo’ bettuh yet. That way you can legitimize the above-mentioned 'jerk-itis' and defend your unadmitted bigotry to the grave. Why? Because you are RIGHT. Don't let anyone else tell you differently.

So remember the Cliff Notes version from all of this: Don’t think for yourself, and don’t gather your own facts; believe everything you want to hear. Don’t compromise. Don’t be considerate. You are always right, they are always wrong. Lastly, be the best self-righteous jerk you can be.

(This bit of satire is brought to you by someone thoroughly fed up with politics and the mainstream media, not to mention the individuals who exhibit these traits with continuous aplomb.)