When I saw this article I immediately knew I had to feature it...and hope you haven't yet seen it as it hit the wires a few days ago, with even a quick blurb on a local station...
I'm being dead serious.
So was Virgilio Cintron.
Well, he wasn't so much "dead serious" as "seriously dead". 66. Natural causes. Amen.
He lived in New York in the famed Hell's Kitchen area, with another retiree, James O'Hare. Apparently Mr. Cintron was dead for the better part of a day before his roommate found him in the apartment.
Ironically, the deceased had just received a $355 Social Security check in the mail that was now, well, dead in it's own way.
And what more wise thing to do for the roomie-discoverer than to enlist the help of David Dalaia, another 65 year-old bud, to assist in cashing the aforementioned SS check. And what more logical thing to do than:
1. carry the body to the street
2. set the corpse in an office chair
3. wheel it down the Manhattan sidewalk
4. try to cash the check at the local Pay-O-Matic
They left the body in the chair outside the office door and went inside to cash the check. As luck would have it, the teller knew Cintron and asked to see him. When the pair went back outside to the stiff-on-a-chair, a small crowd had already gathered, creating quite a stir.
It just so happened a detective was having lunch across the street and saw the unusual gathering...around an unusual form draped over an office chair on a New York sidewalk. Not your normal confluence of images, I don't imagine. Cutting to the chase, the police came and arrested the the corpse-rolling duo for attempted forgery. Uh, for which surely there is a stiff penalty...
Seriously, folks - I can't make this stuff up even if I tried...including the "Pay-O-Matic" part.
What gets me is not just the story, which is golden enough...but wouldn't you have loved to have been a fly on that corpse - er, uh, wall - when this all took place?
Forget that your friend was now dead as a doornail. Heck, he had a check that just arrived. Manna from heaven. "I know, let's take him to the corner check-cashing store and see if we can get the dough before he starts to smell!"
To begin with, dead people have a weird look about them, and for good reason. They also stiffly flop about when you wheel them down a bumpy sidewalk in an office chair, which has nowhere the wheels or suspension of, say, a wagon or a wheelchair. Nope, I imagine those little plastic wheels were shimmying and shaking and jarring Virigilio's dentures loose, if he had any. And last time I checked New York City was a bit on the crowded side. This wasn't going to be an easy covert operation.
Aw, whattheheck. Bumpity-bumpity-bumpity-bumpity went the pair with the chair and the corpse flopping left then right then forward then right then left then right then forward...eyes rolled back in the head, mouth more than likely hanging open...the imagery is sadly rioutous, I'll admit.
'Tis reminiscent of the campy "Weekend at Bernie's" movie where a corpse was paraded around...except this was proof in the pudding that truth can be stranger than fiction...
I'm being dead serious.
So was Virgilio Cintron.
Well, he wasn't so much "dead serious" as "seriously dead". 66. Natural causes. Amen.
He lived in New York in the famed Hell's Kitchen area, with another retiree, James O'Hare. Apparently Mr. Cintron was dead for the better part of a day before his roommate found him in the apartment.
Ironically, the deceased had just received a $355 Social Security check in the mail that was now, well, dead in it's own way.
And what more wise thing to do for the roomie-discoverer than to enlist the help of David Dalaia, another 65 year-old bud, to assist in cashing the aforementioned SS check. And what more logical thing to do than:
1. carry the body to the street
2. set the corpse in an office chair
3. wheel it down the Manhattan sidewalk
4. try to cash the check at the local Pay-O-Matic
They left the body in the chair outside the office door and went inside to cash the check. As luck would have it, the teller knew Cintron and asked to see him. When the pair went back outside to the stiff-on-a-chair, a small crowd had already gathered, creating quite a stir.
It just so happened a detective was having lunch across the street and saw the unusual gathering...around an unusual form draped over an office chair on a New York sidewalk. Not your normal confluence of images, I don't imagine. Cutting to the chase, the police came and arrested the the corpse-rolling duo for attempted forgery. Uh, for which surely there is a stiff penalty...
Seriously, folks - I can't make this stuff up even if I tried...including the "Pay-O-Matic" part.
What gets me is not just the story, which is golden enough...but wouldn't you have loved to have been a fly on that corpse - er, uh, wall - when this all took place?
Forget that your friend was now dead as a doornail. Heck, he had a check that just arrived. Manna from heaven. "I know, let's take him to the corner check-cashing store and see if we can get the dough before he starts to smell!"
To begin with, dead people have a weird look about them, and for good reason. They also stiffly flop about when you wheel them down a bumpy sidewalk in an office chair, which has nowhere the wheels or suspension of, say, a wagon or a wheelchair. Nope, I imagine those little plastic wheels were shimmying and shaking and jarring Virigilio's dentures loose, if he had any. And last time I checked New York City was a bit on the crowded side. This wasn't going to be an easy covert operation.
Aw, whattheheck. Bumpity-bumpity-bumpity-bumpity went the pair with the chair and the corpse flopping left then right then forward then right then left then right then forward...eyes rolled back in the head, mouth more than likely hanging open...the imagery is sadly rioutous, I'll admit.
'Tis reminiscent of the campy "Weekend at Bernie's" movie where a corpse was paraded around...except this was proof in the pudding that truth can be stranger than fiction...
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. "
~ Garrison Keillor
6 comments:
Thanks - just as much fun to write, too!
You know, I saw the headline yesterday as I was skimming the online news while waiting for a brochure draft to print --- "Man In Chair Really Was Dead", or whatever it had said --- but I just thought "OK whatever", and kept skimming on ..... didn't click on ANY news links, come to think of it!
Really glad I didn't "spoil it" by reading it yesterday ..... STILL giggling under my breath! Thanks for the laugh this morning, Bob! :)
Suzy :)
Yeah, I saw the article an hour after it was posted on-line, marked the article and made a note to use it for FF, and lo and behold some TV stations picked it up 2 days later...glad you still got a chuckle! We live in a strange world, eh?!
bob
Yeah, I saw the article an hour after it was posted on-line, marked the article and made a note to use it for FF, and lo and behold some TV stations picked it up 2 days later...glad you still got a chuckle! We live in a strange world, eh?!
bob
I really don't find it funny at all. What these greedy, unfeeling people did was criminal and cruel and that is nothing to laugh about.
I usually like your humor, but not this time. I am really surprised that you would find such a thing funny. Lori
You are welcome to your opinion, Lori. I only relate my 'stupid' news story of the week...I find pathetic humor in it, and you don't. So be it. It's a blessing we are each our own creature. Truly.
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