Tuesday, December 05, 2006

"Dear Santa...."

"As always, I'm sure you have had a really busy year up at the North Pole, getting ready for that special time of year where you do the impossible. I thought I would go ahead and send you my "Top 10 List" of gifts that I'd like for you to give to my fellow Carolinians. I hope it's not asking for too much...but it sure would be swell if you could give it a shot. Pet the reindeer for me!"

10. In anticipation of the winter ahead, could you please place thermal piping under all roadways so that any wintry precipitation will melt? It sure would make for less headaches on the commutes.

9. Speaking of wintry weather, could you also please bring us 2 more full-time meteorologists for the News 14 Triad office? They don't have to be paid much, since none of us are, but they sure would help with the work load when it gets really hairy...

8. For all of our gazillion dollars going overseas, could you help keep even a portion of that locally so we can better help the homeless and those in critical need, right here in our hometowns? I promise you would get a huge bang for your buck by doing that...

7. Could you have Mrs. Claus and the kitchen elves bake unlimited pans of Humble Pie so we can continue to tame inflated egos and self-righteous bigotry in hopes of trying to play together more nicely as a Society? It gets kinda squirrely here on a regular basis these days...

6. I've already talked with Rudolph about this one, and he agrees: we could use a one-million acre preserve so that all the wildlife displaced by uncontrolled development in Charlotte, the Triad, Asheville, and Raleigh can have someplace to live in peace...

5. Speaking of animals, please have oodles and oodles of dogs and cats be adopted from local shelters and all go to wonderful loving homes, and to remind people that older/grown pets can be equally as awesome and loving as the wee ones...(pun intended)...

4. How 'bout a big nice new high school for Eastern Guilford, to replace the one that burned down recently? They need and deserve it...

3. Speaking of schools, I was hoping you could give HUGE pay increases to all the teachers out there so they could begin earning more of what they deserve...and let the pro athletes and team owners hold bake sales!

2. Speaking of pro sports, could you please give a coil of SUPER-DUPER STRENGTH ROPE to the Carolina Panthers so they could maybe "pull it all together"??????

And, most importantly...

1. Could you PLEASE get cell phone headsets for every driver that talks while they drive so they can keep two hands on the wheel???????????????

Thanks for all the miracles!

Sincerely,
FluteBoy

No comments: